how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize