the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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