If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize