i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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