So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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