I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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