Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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