can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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