i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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