Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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