Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am midnight drunk by noon
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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