why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize