I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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