Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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