ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize