So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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