dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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