I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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