If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize