I've blown a few things in my day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize