he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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