I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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