ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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