So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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