so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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