You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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