The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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