I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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