FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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