You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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