this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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