I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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