There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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