i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize