Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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