please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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