I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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