Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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