I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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