new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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