yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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