I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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