Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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