Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize