if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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