I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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