I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize