oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize