is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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