he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize